Let It Go

Thursday, August 14, 2014

It was 2003. I was 21 years old. Just graduated from college, moved to Dallas, was at a new job, had a new car, and a new apartment. I had the rest of my life all planned out. I would teach elementary school, 2^nd grade to be exact, enjoy being single in a new city, get married at 26 and have my first child at 30. Life would be absolutely perfect!

Now, let’s fast forward to 2014. I’m not teaching elementary school anymore, I don’t have any kids and I’m not married. As I draw closer to being able to celebrate my 33^rd birthday at the end of this month, I realize that my goals and plans for my life and what I wanted to have accomplished by now, didn’t happen according to my timetable.

I have had some great experiences in my life, but if I were to be honest, there was a time I felt like a failure. If I’m keeping it ALL the way real with y’all, I sometimes sit and think about what I could have done wrong because my personal goals haven’t been met. Sometimes…..these thoughts weigh on me. To have my life entirely mapped out and realize 12 years later not much has changed personally………….well, I take an issue with that. Why? Because I want to be in control. I feel I should be able to make a plan and life will work out the way I planned. Oh, and to my single ladies, not to mention that I feel I DESERVE to be married with kids because I’m a good person, hard-working, trustworthy, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! Please don’t get me wrong here! I’m not saying that a woman should not possess wonderful qualities nor that we don’t deserve to have a great marriage! What I am saying is because I tried to control my life and it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to, that bothers me. I am the type of person that likes plans. If the plan needs to be altered, I understand. But ultimately, I want the goal/objective to be reached.

Y’all even as I sit and write this post I can honestly tell you that with each year that my birthday approaches, especially since turning 30, I get a little more anxious, a little more discouraged and a little more worried. I worry that I’ll be single the rest of my life. I worry that I’ll be too old to have a baby. I worry that some of my lonely nights will become permanent. If you’re reading this, let me pause and say: I have a WONDERFUL support system: loving family and friends, cool coworkers and most of all, a relationship with God that is my foundation. With that said, I am human and I have the desire for a husband and a family. So, what’s a chick to do? Go prowl at the clubs? Dress like a hoochie? Ummmm No. Think I’ll pass.

I’ll tell you what I had to do eventually.

(1)     I had to let go of my “life plan.” It’s a nice thought, but when things don’t go as planned, you have to be ready to adapt and keep it moving.

(2)     I had to focus on what I have, NOT what I’m missing at the moment. I have so much to be thankful for! So much so, that I don’t have time to sit and get in my feelings about still being single! “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

(3)     I had to pray and seek God’s word. Y’all I’m serious with my prayers! Especially when it comes to the desires of my heart. Anytime I’m feeling some type of way (in my Rich Homie Quan voice), I pray and try to find scripture verses that speak to my situation.

So I’m down about being single and the fact that my life hasn’t gone as planned. What scripture can help me? What does God’s word say? Right away I’m brought to one of my favorite Bible verses:

Jeremiah 29:11-“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Okay, if I read that right that verse just said that God already has His plans for my life. I’m absolutely positive that His plans will be 1,000 times better than ANY plans I could come up with!

I’m not ready to crawl out of my pity party yet, so I refer to another scripture:

Proverbs 3:5-6-“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Lean not on my own understanding? Yep, I have to let go and give God control.

I’m starting to feel a bit better, but I may need one more reminder:

Philippians 4:6-“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Here I have a direct command from God that I don’t need to be anxious. When I start to feel that way, I’m told to pray to God and make my requests known to Him. I’m not perfect, by far, but when I read that last verse I knew it was time for me to put my desire in God’s hands and leave it there. This doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m a good person, hard-working, etc. But guess what? I’m an even BETTER person because I rely on God!

What does all this mean? That I have faith that God’s plans for my life are bigger, better than I ever could imagine! I will let God write my love story! And while I wait, I won’t let life pass me by. I will enjoy time spent with family and friends. My life will be full and when He sees fit, I will embrace a new chapter. For now, I embrace who I am, my accomplishments and that I just want to be a light for others.

If you have ever found yourself questioning your life or if you’re single and ready to graduate from the “single girls’ club”, please try the 3 steps listed above. Know that the blueprint for your life, your future, is in good hands. And I’m not talking about Allstate. LOL. Let God author the pages of your life. And know this…..you aren’t alone. Sometimes you have to appreciate the intermission before the next act begins. Until next time & God Bless…

P.S. I wanted to leave you with additional scripture verses you could refer to:

Matthew 6:33-“But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

Proverbs 19:21-“Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

Proverbs 16:3-“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and He will establish your plans.”

Proverbs 16:9-“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”